ay I say – having a baby with someone is one of the ultimate forms of love. In most cases, it shows that you love someone enough to have them in your life forever, because a child will be in your life forever.
My husband and I were not married before we found out we were pregnant. We knew what we were getting into when we found out, and that we would be getting married. He had to fly to Japan the day after we found out, and I knew planning a wedding was going to be difficult, since Japan is a full 16 or 17 hours ahead of California, but I was prepared. I loved him, and he loved me, so we were going to make it work.
I’m not going to lie, those first 5 months were really hard.
Planning a wedding is stressful! Throw in a horrible sleep schedule, and growing a human being, and you have a recipe for disaster. By the time my husband was due to come home, I didn’t know if I wanted to get married anymore. But, as soon as I saw him at the airport, all the stress melted away, and I knew I did love him and still wanted to marry him. The wedding was beautiful, and I thought surely the happy feelings would last forever.
However, my husband had to go back to Japan three days later. I was really starting to show in my pregnancy at that point and absolutely hated the way I looked. I had a lot of anxiety about my baby; worry that something would go wrong, worry that I wouldn’t bond with him when he was born, scared that I would develop postpartum depression. I voiced these concerns to my husband and was met with the standard, “Everything will be fine.” This did not help me at all, so I stopped talking to him about my fears.
The day of my son’s due date came, but he did not. 5 days later, labor began. I decided not to have any pain medication or epidural because I wanted what was best for my son. Labor and delivery was the most pain I’ve ever experienced in my life. But 18 hours later, my son was finally born! When the doctor laid him on my belly, I remember looking at him and thinking, “I love you so much”, over and over again. He was perfect in every way.
Holding my baby tightly, I looked up at my husband. Tears were streaming down his face, and he had the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on him. That was the third time in our entire relationship that I’d seen him so emotional. In that moment, I knew he loved me, and that he would love our son forever.
Whenever life gets stressful, I think back to that moment and remember why I’ve lived through all the stress that’s been thrown my way. I look at my son, who is my entire world, and I am reminded why it’s all worth it.
It’s all for love. And I love my little family more than words could ever say.
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